Traditionally, when people see an upset child crying, screaming, and falling on the ground, they call it a tantrum and assume the child is wanting their own way. They may label the child in negative ways—as a brat…spoiled…a problem. For autistic children, these same behaviors may indicate something quite different.

The first word to learn is “regulation.” Being emotionally regulated means being able to deal with big emotions. We emotionally regulate ourselves by using soothing repetitive mannerisms, timely strategies, and internal monitoring. But when the opposite, dysregulation, occurs, all of our strategies have failed.